#8

Last week, I told my therapist I was going to wake up at the same time every morning. I made this promise of sorts to her (and to myself) because for my entire life, I've been saying I'm going to wake up at a certain time every day and I never do. In my vision of what a successful person looks like, that person always wakes up at the same time every morning. Whether that's true or not (and I suspect it really isn't)  it didn't happen for me. I woke up whenever I felt like waking up. Whenever I was ready to face the day. Self sabotage?

I am a native New Yorker and I love New York more than anything but the city has a way of  kicking the shit out of you at times. Whatever issues you have concerning home life, family, job, finances, relationships, the MT (fucking) A, long lines at Duane Reade (why is there only one person at the counter?), long lines at Starbucks, long lines at the bank-- and you can bank on being a grump (at the very least) and bumping into more grumps throughout the day. So, despite my willingness to try (yet again) to wake up a certain time, it just wasn't happening this week knowing I was facing THAT...AGAIN! God forbid, I lived in a war torn country or faced life threatening obstacles everyday (some would say New York is like that but it's not). Bottom line, I should be grateful this is all I face! I should be grateful for electricity, hot and cold running water, my eyesight, my limbs, my health in general, your health and everyone's health!

Where are my priorities? 

No one's life is perfect. No one's. Mine is significantly better than most but my realities are my realities and my challenges are mine and this is what I got...

So, I worked late and stayed out late a good portion of this week which led my nights into my mornings, which led my mornings into my afternoons and because of that there was an underlying pressure to catch up with stuff . I never felt fully prepared and yet somehow managed to be wholly alert and present for all situations. From my father to my friends to the shows, I was accountable. Nothing suffered. So it was.

I attribute whatever stability I have to bikram yoga, therapy and other  "outlets".  As I mentioned in an earlier blog, getting out of self and helping others (which a lot of what do is) is tantamount to my overall well being.

So, I make this recommendation to anyone who could be struggling with their mornings or their days in general.  Get up and give of yourself, you will be rewarded. Maybe not immediately but in the long run. (In my mind, I hear comedians joking about "giving of themselves")

Speaking of jokes, I got sucked into a Tinder vortex this week too. Swipe him to your left, swipe him to your right! Holy hell, that was addicting and mind numbing! It's truly bizarre to see that you have friends in common with a virtual stranger that lives 49 miles away from you and who you will never actually go on a date with.

In related news, a man from another dating app called himself  "moves like Jagger" but he looked like he moved more like Burt Young (only a handful of you will get that reference and even Jagger doesn't move quite like Jagger anymore).

Diversions, diversions, diversions... but I have things to do! I always have things to do and that is a good thing! I think of Morgan Freeman in Shawshank redemption. I say to myself, "I just want to be with my friend Andy."  It reminds me of the "hope is a good thing" part of Morgan's monologue. Yes! Hope! That is what we get up for!

So, I hope I'll be able to set my alarm in the future and I hope to turn myself into the vision of success that I aspire to be and I hope that you all get what you may want or need.

I hope.