4/8/14 -The day starts benignly negative (if that makes any sense). I don't want to get out of bed & there are a few aches and pains that remind me that it's going to take about an hour before the body is right and if the body isn't right, how could the mind be? Already I'm working from a place where winning doesn't seem possible but there's just too much to do, work to be done and appointments to keep so I just don't have time to dwell in a head space that allows fear to overtake it. People are depending on me which also doesn't lend itself for lingering in thoughts that will keep me under the covers. I ignore the body, shut down my mind and make a cup of coffee.

I check email after email and all social media and discover that I was on CBS for about two seconds and it thrills me. I examine the 2 second image of myself addressing the NY Comedy Club audience and then my image fades into that of another comic. I look for a spark of evidence that there is some star quality in those 2 seconds but it's just me & I grow weary of examining myself. So, I return to the other "stuff"---the breaking news stories, the emails and the comedic status updates that have become customary to my morning routine. At some point, I become satisfied that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way and I put on a black dress and my "new" $15 pink Aldo coat (purchased from a thrift store) and I go meet a friend for a bite at Isabella's.

We haven't seen each other in a minute so there's a lot to catch up on. The hostess seats us on the second level of the restaurant overlooking the upper westsiders, tourists, businessmen & women and the smattering of cherry blossom and pussy willow branches below. A warm April breeze fills the restaurant.

For a moment, it actually feels like I have a few dollars in my pocket but that's just because I know my friend is paying and that in itself is a luxury. We reminisce. Its 12:15 PM and he has a white wine and I have an iced cappuccino. So it is.