#16 Christmas Eve Morning

SOBER SEASON

This time of year can be particularly hard for people depending on one's life circumstances. We watch various scenarios play out in the news, experience pressures at work and with family.  Relationships of any kind can feel taxed & overwhelming. The mask of trying to be happy for the holiday's can take a toll. It's almost as if there is a magnifying glass on your life exaggerating the good, the bad and the ugly. I'd say it's tantamount to looking at the holiday season as if you were standing in front of a funhouse mirror.  There are people, places & things, coming at you in all shapes and sizes and from all directions. Clowns. There are some clowns too...and they mock you.

Every year I have the belief that somehow the current holiday season will be better than its predecessor.

Do I have expectations?

Maybe--or maybe I just have the exuberance of spirit that remains from my childhood. That said, I'm an adult now so I just try to keep things in the present moment and not let perceived pressures or the ghosts of holidays past get to me.

From a practical standpoint, all looks fine and actually IS fine...because I am sober.

On January 2, 2015, I will celebrate 19 years of sobriety. Considering the career I'm in, and the fact that I'm surrounded by a plethora of personalities and alcohol on a regular basis, this is no small accomplishment.

 

New Year's Eve of 1995, I had already been sober for two years, when I left a failed marriage and moved back to nyc to pursue an acting career. I supplemented that career by working in a restaurant while also working as a hostess, waitress and bartender at a noted comedy club in NYC.

On that fateful night in '95 (and even with two years of sobriety under my belt), I experienced what I believed was a personal "rejection".

Heartbroken and not having the emotional wherewithal to handle situation, I instead, poured myself the most heinous drink one could imagine--an amaretto sour. The truth of the matter was that I thought it would be less harmful than a "real" drink but as the night wore on, the amaretto sour turned into straight bourbon and so on and so on and so forth and blah blah blah and mess.

The following morning, when I stared into an actual mirror (not one of the funhouse variety) I didn't recognize myself. I felt hollow.

Send in the clowns.

So, on January 2, 1996, I once again raised my hand and committed to my recovery.  In the years that followed, I was able to get back on track. Slowly, the dreams of my youth unfolded and a path became clear that led me to the career I have now. Tragedy + timing = comedy.

I've had a lot of help along the way and I certainly didn't do it alone. Call it faith or whatever you want but I also had a belief in something bigger than myself that would carry me through. Trees. Yes, I'm a tree hugger.

I've had a number of different roles in the comedy business-- Executive Assistant, General Manager (of various clubs), Talent Booker, Entertainment Director, Producer, Comic and Actress. I've also worked in television production and there was a brief stint as a paralegal at a law firm (when the industry wasn't so kind but my civilian friends were).

Through the years, I have restored and repaired damaged relationships, helped numerous others, been a source of comfort to my father, a devoted sister and a pretty decent person all around.

So now it's Christmas Eve morning of 2014. The nature of life is such that my family is scattered all around and we're all so busy. Social media & phone calls close the gap though and are a way we can keep tabs on each other.

Tonight, I'll be working in the role that allows me to put smiles on peoples’ faces (no, I will not be doing comedy or stripping). I'll be managing the funny & hopefully keep things running smoothly.  I’ll be surrounded by people I genuinely love to be around. I'm also content with the knowledge that my father is resting comfortably at home in Florida awaiting the gift that I sent him (that he will most likely want to return later to get it’s monetary value).

It's not the Christmas Eve of my dreams because in my dreams I'm whisked away to some romantic location with my partner! There’s a sleigh involved! That sort of thing! It is a whirlwind romantic great time!

In another less selfish version of my dream I am with my partner, Leonardo DiCaprio (hey, it's my dream!), and we have a festive dinner with family and friends but we also donate charitable goods, help others and save the environment.

Clearly, neither of these scenarios are unfolding this year but the year isn't quite up yet, is it?

Well, a gal can dream... and hope…but all bets are off if I have another amaretto sour.

So, from this Jew to you—Have a very Merry Christmas and wonderful New Year!